k.e.h. ([info]yechezkiel) wrote,
@ 2005-06-29 20:29:00
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sistermeg asked me why I like Jesuits, here's my answer
Facts:
1. Jesuits are mammals.
2. Jesuits think ALL the time.
3. The purpose of the Jesuits is to be liberal and kill Protestants.

Weapons and gear:




Testimonial:
Jesuits can outthink anyone they want! Jesuits cap Protestant asses ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they write liberal theology ALL the time. I heard that there was this Jesuit who was eating at a diner. And when some dude used non-inclusive language the Jesuit killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw a Jesuit totally uppercut some kid just because the kid joined Opus Dei.

And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't believe that Jesuits have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or they will think your head off!!! It's an easy choice, if you ask me.

Jesuits are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally awesome and that's a fact. Jesuits are smart, smooth, stylish, culturally sensetive, powerful, and sweet. I can't wait to start chanting next year. I love Jesuits with all of my body (including my pee pee).

Q and A:
Q: Why is everyone so obsessed about Jesuits?

A: Jesuits are the ultimate paradox. On the one hand they shoot Protestants, but on the other hand, Jesuits are very much liberal pansies.


Q: I heard that Jesuits are always cruel or mean. What's their problem?

A: Whoever told you that is a total liar. Just like other mammals, Jesuits can be mean OR totally awesome.


Q: What do Jesuits do when they're not shooting Protestants or writing liberal magazines?

A: Most of their free time is spent in the disco, but sometime they smoke. (Ask Mark if you don't believe me.)


This is my friend Mark. He's older than me, and almost done with his novitiate, which is braggable.

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[info]soeursansmerci
2005-06-30 12:40 am UTC (link)
This is awesome. And by awesome, I mean sweet.

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[info]chrissie
2005-06-30 12:44 am UTC (link)
The question is is it sweet enough to make you want to crap your pants?

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[info]sistermeg
2005-06-30 12:47 am UTC (link)
I almost flipped out and killed someone I was so amused.

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[info]aefenglommung
2005-06-30 12:49 am UTC (link)
At first glance, I thought you wrote, [info]sistermeg asked me why I love JESUS."

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[info]yechezkiel
2005-06-30 12:50 am UTC (link)
Jesus? Watch out, Protestant.

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[info]aefenglommung
2005-06-30 01:38 am UTC (link)
What? Don't they talk about Jesus over in your branch of the vineyard?

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[info]yechezkiel
2005-06-30 01:43 am UTC (link)
Actually, on a sobering point, my historical respect for the Jesuits is nearly nullified by the fact that every one I've ever heard speak talked more about politics than God.

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[info]jjostm
2005-06-30 01:51 am UTC (link)
A good joke:

A man goes up to two priests. One of the priests is a Jesuit, the other, a Franciscan. The man asks: Listen, I need to ask you a question. I've been praying a novena for a Ferrari. I don't know if this is moral or not, so could you please tell me? I don't want to do anything that would send me to hell.

The Jesuit asks: What's a novena?
The Franciscan asks: What's a Ferrari?

-j

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[info]yechezkiel
2005-06-30 01:53 am UTC (link)
We are amused.

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[info]sistermeg
2005-06-30 10:57 pm UTC (link)
The version I have heard involves a Reform and Orthodox rabbi, and the punchline is What's a Ferrari? What's a bar mitzvah?

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[info]sistermeg
2005-06-30 01:34 am UTC (link)
A scripture professor once told us about a French theologian who made much of the fact that if you take the French translation of I Am, (Je suis) and removed the "i" it spelled Jesus. My remark that if you added a "t" it spelled Jesuits was met with odd stares.

I would be curious to ask my friends list why they love Jesus, but it would probably BLOW MY MIND.

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[info]elwe
2005-06-30 12:57 am UTC (link)
hehehe!

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[info]tankou
2005-06-30 01:01 am UTC (link)
I love you.

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[info]yechezkiel
2005-06-30 01:04 am UTC (link)
You're gonna have to fight for me.

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[info]sistermeg
2005-06-30 01:31 am UTC (link)
My dog is cuter than [info]tankou's dog. And by cuter I mean fatter. And alive.

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[info]yechezkiel
2005-06-30 01:54 am UTC (link)
OH THE DECISIONS.

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[info]jjostm
2005-06-30 01:50 am UTC (link)
*sweet guitar riff*

-j (REAL ANGLO-CATHOLIC Ultimate Power)

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[info]monospace
2005-06-30 01:59 am UTC (link)
This is the best thing I've read all day!

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[info]daphneisgood
2005-06-30 02:15 am UTC (link)
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I just came from orientation at a Jesuit college and this makes me feel vindicated.

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[info]sistermeg
2005-06-30 11:00 pm UTC (link)
I spent the beginning of this week watching orientation participants wander around my recently-returned-to-for-a-masters-alma-mater and thinking about how much of a loser I was when I went to my BC orientation at 17. I'm sure you are much cooler than I was.

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[info]prester_scott
2005-06-30 02:27 am UTC (link)
By golly, I know I'M obsessed with Jesuits. Of course, I can't be one because I am not liberal, a monk, or inclusive. Not to mention that I do not possess REAL ULTIMATE POWAR. Sweet.

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[info]prester_scott
2005-06-30 02:27 am UTC (link)
Wow, that was easy.

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[info]sir_montag
2005-06-30 05:02 am UTC (link)
rofl - awesome :D

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[info]rengal
2005-06-30 08:18 am UTC (link)
*LOL* I wish there were more real Jesuits. I have little respect for them becasue I spent so much time in Jesuit schools and academia (that's where all the heretical wussy ones gather).
I think a movie with bad-ass Jesuits in the style of "The Matrix" vigilante type thing would rock. (maybe it would remind them to educated [the real way] and get back to their intended job)

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[info]yechezkiel
2005-06-30 11:42 am UTC (link)
"[I]ntended job" being popping caps in Protestant asses, right?

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[info]rengal
2005-06-30 11:55 am UTC (link)
*chuckle* Uh, yeh... right. ~But metaphorically, and no less brutally.

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[info]codepoet
2005-11-08 05:48 am UTC (link)
Movie with awesome Jesuits? Try The Mission.

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[info]rengal
2005-11-08 06:58 am UTC (link)
Totaly good flick.

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I Guess I COULD Be a Jesuit...
[info]publius_aelius
2005-06-30 06:40 pm UTC (link)
...because I am a "liberal" (of sorts), a "monk" by nature, and quite "inclusive" from the standpoint of religious "syncretism." On the other hand, the Jesuits I've known were rarely involved in academia, but were VERY much involved in the kind of "politics" I esteem (creating "base communities" for the impoverished and marginalized in 3rd World countries like India and Sri Lanka).
I hadn't been in Sri Lanka three months before I used my basic, Peace Corps Sinhala to find my way in Kandy up Pushpadana Mawatha, to locate Satyodaya, the "experiment" of Father Paul Caspercz, SJ, in multi-ethnic, religiously pluralist community building--so controversial and so despised by the racist Sinhala officialdom that the Kandy police twice denied any knowledge of its existence to me, even though one of their precinct offices was at the base of the mountain this fantastic, radical and holy Jesuit's monastery is built atop.

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Re: I Guess I COULD Be a Jesuit...
[info]yechezkiel
2005-06-30 07:59 pm UTC (link)
Except for seeing Daniel Berrigan speak once, my only run-in with the Society of Jesus has been in academia- so I don't expect I've seen them at their best.

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[info]holyoffice
2005-06-30 07:29 pm UTC (link)
I heard that there was this Jesuit who was eating at a diner. And when some dude used non-inclusive language the Jesuit killed the whole town.

Brilliant.

My mother taught in Catholic schools with grizzled old Jesuits of the Jack Chick-fantasia variety and told me lots of stories about them. So when I got to college, I was excited because the Catholic parish on campus was run by Jesuits. Imagine my disappointment when they turned out to be genial old hippies who hassled me for wearing a tie to Mass.

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[info]dnfield
2005-07-01 02:45 am UTC (link)
I think most Jesuits would recognize the second and probably third pictures, but what's the first?

>.>

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Don't forget...
[info]anatomiste
2005-07-02 04:00 am UTC (link)
JESUITS IN SPACE

When I go back to NC in the fall, I'll mail it to you.

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[info]seraphimsigrist
2005-11-08 12:19 am UTC (link)
It is true that a good many Jesuits
are politcially liberal ,but that happens
it is something people do...well...
a gentleman will dismiss such things
over sherry with a wry smile.
(now Im doing a bit of shtik which
tires even me a little ,not where Im at
really let it be onwards) but
and this was my little point
the good thing about Jesuits is that they
are various, in one residence you may have
people with all sorts of work,all sorts of
temperment and a range of viewpoints...

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[info]yechezkiel
2005-11-08 02:08 am UTC (link)
Well, in order to make an over-the-top joke of this sort, you have to play to some stereotypes.

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[info]detroitfather
2006-01-11 11:27 am UTC (link)
Totally sweet!

*Laundering pants at this moment.*

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[info]saborlas
2006-10-04 06:31 pm UTC (link)
I just wish to say that American christian fundamentalism is a variant of protestantism...

get to work ^_^

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[info]yechezkiel
2006-10-04 07:36 pm UTC (link)
Unfortunately, I'm not a Jesuit. I'm not even Catholic.

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